tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS May 3, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
cheering in oakland because the warriors won their second semi. see you tomorrow morning. >> good game. >> highlights. >> stephen: hey, dakota johnson, thank you so much for being here. >> hi, stephen. >> stephen: i'm really looking forward to your new movie "a bigger splash." >> thank you. >> stephen: it must be so fun to work with tomming hanks. >> what do you mean? >> stephen: "a bigger splash." it's a sequel to big and splash where tom hanks wishes to be a mermaid and learns a lesson about love. >> no, this one is actually sort of a gripping drama that's sort of erotic. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. gripping, erotic drama, tom hanks. >> no, it's about a rock star played by tilde squintop and she
her ex-boyfriend ray fines comes to see her when she's on holiday. >> stephen: and wriewr the mermaid? >> no, there's no mermaid. and there's no tom hanks. >> stephen: oh. does tom know he's out of the film. >> tonight, stephen welcomes dakota johnson sebastian stan and a musical performance by lukas nelson and promise of the real. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause )
>> stephen: thank you! >> stephen: welcome to "the late show," everybody. hello down here. hello, you there. welcome to the "late show." thanks so much for being here. so pleased to be here. i'm your host, stephen colbert. and i don't know if you all got up early this morning, but the tony awardses were announced this morning. i love musicals, they are the only place you can see people break into song for no reason outside of a carly fiorina speech. the frontrunner, of course, is "hamilton," which got a record 16 tony nominations. hopefully, this will help them sell some tickets.
how many of you are here tonight because you couldn't get into "hamilton? ( applause ) i'll start. i'll start. >> jon: i like "hamilton." >> stephen: them, too. upon hearing that hamilton was the inevitable winner, ted cruz announced: "i am running for a tony." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) i think if hamilton were alive today, he'd say, "why are there so many states? what are these horseless carriages? my god, people are so tall now!" all right, that's enough tonys. let's get to some real news: i... love... fashion! ( cheers and applause ) because last night was anna wintour's annual met gala at the metropolitan museum of art. the met gala is like rich people halloween. ( laughter ) everyone dresses up, and instead of candy, you get to take home a monet.
this year the met gal afs sponsored by apple, and the theme was "fashion in the age of technology." so there was lots of silver and mirrors, zayn malick from one direction had robot arms, and madonna had a bare ass. lord knows what technology goes into maintaining that. ( laughter ) but best of all: i... was... invited! ( cheers and applause ) my wife, evie, looked amazing in zac posen, and i slayed the red carpet in hugo boss black tie and gap tighty whities. ( laughter ) and we entered the party right behind the beautiful claire danes, who wore the most stunning dress of the night, a zac posen gown made from custom fiber optic woven into organza. it literally glowed. the inspiration for the dress
evidentally was to make it easy for her uber driver to find her. and the gentlemen do the fashion-- you do the fashion, jon. the gentlemen did the fashion last night. kanye west went high tech by staying up all night with a bedazzler, evidently. karolina kurkova wore a dress that was co-designed by i.b.m.'s watson, connected to social media, and covered with light-up flowers whose colors changed according to people's tweets. so the dress was mostly the color of people who are furious about the "ghostbusters" reboot. another big showstopper: beyonce, who wore a rubber dress that was beaded, for her pleasure. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it's important. and beyonce's sister solange was
there, radiant in a dress that just screamed "i am going to punch jayz in the the face. another reason to wear the rubber because you can just hose it off. >> jon: oh, my goodness. >> stephen: hey, i didn't make it up. it was one of the most opulent and glamorous night imaginable. it made the oscars red carpet look like after-work drinks at p.f. changs. now, one thing about the met gala is that you are not supposed to take pictures once you're inside and hush-hush, sweet charlotte about what we do. so i will honor that code, because i want to go back next year. all i can say is that for cocktail hour, we all may have ridden iridescent crystal drone butterflies. dinner might have been hummingbirds that fly directly into your mouth, and at the stroke of midnight, we all put on wolf masks and dove into the flesh pit. you have to time that right.
you don't want to be first in the flesh pit. you have to wait until a froth builds up. you know that? you don't want to be the first one. everybody falls on top of you. >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: it was a beautiful evening. it in no way was diminished by the nagging feeling that at any moment the 99% were going to crash in and line us up against the wall, because as i faced my death at the hands of the firing squad, i know i'd be thinking, "it was worth it!" because i met demi lovato. but in our defense, the met gala is all for charity. and i hope they raised enough money so mr. met can finally get the cranial surgery he so desperately needs. ( cheers and applause ) now, let us turn, ladies and gentlemen, to the most fashionable guy i upon. mr. jon batiste and stay human. say hi to the band.
>> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) that's a new routine we're working on. it's musical chairs. there's one person and one chair. i always win. today, of course, is the important indiana primary. and because we tape early, i don't know who won yet, but i do know it was do or die for senator ted cruz. and judging by this picture, i'm going to say he died about a week ago. this is "road to the white house." >> at thi at this i want it, mo.
i don't care, mommy. of course, ted cruz has been focusing on the indiana primary for weeks now. he has really put all his eggs in this basket. and i want to be perfectly clear: "his eggs" is a common expression. i'm not saying he's a reptile who reproduces through hatchlings. but he trails donald trump in the polls, and trump isn't letting off the gas. just listen to how he went after ted cruz's father in a phone interview this morning. >> you know, his father was with lee harvey oswald prior to oswald's being-- you know, shot. i mean, the whole thing is ridiculous. what is this, right prior to his being shot, and nobody even brings it up. i mean, they don't even talk about that. that was reported, and nobody talks about it. what was he doing with lee harry oswald shortly before the death, before the shooting? it's horrible. >> crazy. >> stephen: this is horrible. and not just for cruz.
oliver stone is kicking himself for not thinking of it. trump is basing this attack on a grainy photo of a guy who kind of looks like ted cruz's dad standing near lee harvey oswald that was published in "the national enquirer." yeah, yeah. and cruz got even more bad news when the "weekly world news" broke the story that the secretary of state would be bat boy. and while we can all agree ted cruz's dad clearly high-fived lee harvey oswald right before he handed mama cass that ham sandwich, what about the rest of ted cruz's family? i heard that just before the "titanic" sunk, someone spotted ted cruz's grandfather lovingly stroking the iceberg. ( laughter ) and his great-grandmother was seen playing with the lindbergh baby at the triangle shirtwaist factory just hours before archduke ferdinand was shot by ted cruz's father after he dressed as a cow and kicked over the lantern that started the chicago fire.
( cheers and applause ) all true. nobody talks about it! nobody talkses about it! but, of course, senator ted cruz did not take this attack lying down. he fired back at trump standing up. >> this morning, donald trump went on national television and attacked my father. donald trump alleges that my dad was involved in assassinating j.f.k. but donald is a bully. every one of us knew bullies in elementary school. bullies don't come from strength. bullies come from weakness. bullies come from a deep, yawning cavern of insecurity. >> stephen: yes, cruz is right. trump is a bully. and if there is one thing that stops a bully, it is telling on them. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but ted didn't just call him a bully. he called him a specific bully.
>> if anyone has seen the movie "back to the future 2," the screenwriter says that he based the character biff tannon on donald trump. we are looking potentially at the biff tannon presidency. ( laughter ) ( applause ) trump we are looking at a potential biff tannen presidency. and if that's true, that means there's still a chance ted cruz could use the flux capacitor to go back in time and stop his dad from shooting j.f.k.! do the right thing, ted! do the right thing! ( applause ) the point is, this guy is a fighter. just listen to this testy exchange he got into with a trump voter in indiana. >> what do you like about donald? >> everything. >> give me one. >> everything. >> pick anything. >> the wall. >> okay the wall. >> that's the main thing.
immigration. >> hold on a second. now, do you know on the wall that donald told the "new york times" editorial board he's not going to build a wall. he's not going to deport anyone. >> you're lyin'. once again, lyin' ted! ( laughter ) >> stephen: wow. ted cruz may have been on the princeton debate team, but he just got stomped by the indiana hollering squad. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it is-- that stings. it is a tough moment for senator cruz. he can't beat trump. he can't even win an argument against trump's future press secretary. but bravely, bravely, ted cruzzed on. >> sir, america is a better country-- >> without you. >> thank you for those kind sentiments. let me point out, i've treated you respectfully the entire time. and a question you should ask-- >> are you canadian? are you canadian?
( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: it's a fair question! are you canadian? a lot of people are thinking of becoming canadian around november 9. we'll be right back with dakota johnson. wwhen systems can help sense your surroundings. and when cameras change your perspective. that's the more human side of engineering. experience what a lincoln can do for you at the lincoln spring collection event. your choice of the lincoln mkc or mkz for $289 a month, or get 0% apr for 60 months.
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even before he got 3% back on gas. kenny used his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to join the wednesday night league. because he loves to play hoops. not jump through them. that's the excitement of rewarding connections. apply online or at a bank of america near you. whe gets a ready for you alert the second his room is ready. so you know what he gives? i'll give you everything i've got and then some. he gives a hundred and ten percent! i'm confident this 10% can boost your market share. feel me lois? i'm feeling you. boom! look at that pie chart. the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is a talented actor who is known for her roles in the "social network," "21 jump street," and
"fifty shades of grey." her new film is "a bigger splash." >> you want some advice? >> why, because i'm a girl? >> no you should go to detroit, whatever moves you. don't coit the harry way. lay low, keep your mouth shut. don't take a camera. go empty-handed. seriously. you'll humiliate yourself any other way. trust me, i know everything about it. >> all right, i'm not afraid of that. do you want some? >> no, i don't smoke. >> it doesn't mean you don't want some. >> yes, it does. >> stephen: please welcome dakota johnson. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> nice to see you. >> stephen: we first met last
night at the met gala. >> at the meat ball. >> stephen: at the meet ball. look at you. there you are in a beautiful dress. what are you wearing there? >> i'm wearing gucci. >> stephen: gucci, very nice. >> yeah. >> stephen: very nice. you wore it well. and we met right at the end, it was late. it was, like, 1:00 in the morning or something like that when we left. >> no, it wasn't. i don't stay out that late. >> stephen: and when we met outside, i said, "i'll see you tomorrow night." and you mentioned something like, "could we-- could we drink during the interview?" and i said, "sure, but it has to be real liquor basis don't drink fake liquor." and you said fine. and i said, "what do you want to drink?" and you said. >> tequila. >> stephen: right. and i said, "oh, ( bleep ). really? tequila." and my wife said-- >> baby, no, please don't drink tequila. ( cheers and applause )
yeah. >> stephen: she's not here right now. >> that's a lot. >> stephen: that's a lot of tequila. that's a lot of tequila. hold on. i'll take some of yours. okay, ready? cheers. >> cheers. ( cheers and applause ) mmm. do you want my lime, too? >> stephen: sure. mmm. now, what to talk about? what to talk about? >> that was great. >> stephen: did you have a good time last night? >> i did. it was-- it was pretty crazy. >> stephen: so fancy. it's so fancy. >> yeah. it's so fancy. and there were so many flowers. >> stephen: everything was built. they had, like, huge things built out of roses, and they were real roses. >> yeah. for some reason i thought this year they wouldn't use that many flowers because of, like, you know, technology. ( laughter ). >> stephen: oh, because they're antithetical to mechanical things or
technological things. >> they could have, instead of actually using all the flowers, they could have done, like, fake flower s. >> stephen: technological flowers, made out of computer chips or something like that. >> yeah. >> stephen: you should plan it next year. that's a great idea. >> you should e-mail anna wined tour about that. >> stephen: i e-mail her all the time about my fashion all the time. >> i should have known. >> stephen: the new movie is called "a bigger splash." and as we learned earlier on in tonight's show, it's a gripping, erotic drama. >> uh-huh. >> stephen: and it's got an incredible cast. the people in it-- here we go. here's you right here. ralph fiennes. tilda swinton. and who is this? >> matthias schoenaerts. >> stephen: is he as handsome as he looks in this photograph? >> yes. >> stephen: very sexy. ( snorts )
( laughter ) ( applause ) oh, god. ( cheers and applause ) no, no-- yeah, okay. >> stephen: there you go, all right. >> oh, god. cheers. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: by the way, what time did you go to bed last night? ( laughter ) have you been to bed yet? because i went to bed at 3:30 last night. >> did you really? >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> no, i was fully in bed before that. >> stephen: you didn't go to the afterparties? >> i did, but i was so hungry, and i guess everyone was hungry. i don't know what happened. you're supposed to eat at the met, and i went to pee-- >> stephen: the humming birds fly right into your mouth. you went to pee? >> i went to pee, and i came back and my lambchop was gone. ( laughter ). >> stephen: that sounds like the opening of a very
questionable country music song. ( laughter ) this is what the night was like for me. i went spot men's room, and it was full of men in the men's room, and there was a woman in there smoking in a ballgown. she said, "hello, mr. colbert. i hope you don't mind if i smoke in here." i said i'm in the great gats by right now or something. >> it's heaven. >> stephen: no, it's not heaven. you don't want to go to the bathroom next to a woman holding something, you know, burke. you don't want any of that. all of this is going to be cut out. cbs will not let any of this on tv. all right, so you shot this-- you shot this-- tequila is kicking in at this point. ( laughter ) you shot this movie on an island in italy called pentelaraia. >> that sounded like a disease. >> stephen: i'm afraid you have pentelaraia. >> pants. >> stephen: a disease of the pants. you have a disease of the pants.
let's get those off before it spreads to your shirt. >> hey-oh! >> stephen: was it fun? you get-- look, you're with-- hold on. you're with all the sexy people here. >> yeah. >> stephen: and you're on this island. was it fun to be on an island? was it at all like being on vacation? did you get to enjoy it? >> it was enjoyable. it was hot. it was-- there was-- we were on an island. there was, you know, water surrounding it. ( laughter ). >> stephen: you sound like you're really hiding a secret right now. no, no. >> stephen: "it was fine. it was someplace on the planet. i can't tell you where it is." is it in italy. >> it's on the coast of italy. it's beautiful. and the island was mostly made up of volcanic rock. it's not soft and cozy. it's somewhere -- >> did they make you sleep on the rock? why does the rock have to be soft and cozy? >> there are no beaches. so if you you want to go into
the beaches you have to wear water shoes and chime down into the water but the water is full of jellyfish. figure that one out. >> stephen: this sounds like a prison. >> yeah. ( laughter ) no, but it's actually quite beautiful. and then once you get used to tyou just kind of swim away from them. >> stephen: they're not that fast, the jellyfish. >> mmm? no, they can get-- they can get you. >> stephen: they can get you, but by accident. they can't chase you. if you can't outswim a jellyfish you probably shouldn't be swimming. >> probably not. >> stephen: can i ask you about tilda swinton? >> yeah. >> stephen: she spooks me a little bit? >> does she. >> stephen: she's such a talented actress but she's a little spooky. >> you meet her and think she might speak some sort of alien jargon, right. >> stephen: she seems other worldly. >> she's not like that. >> stephen: what is she like? >> she's full of love and information.
( laughter ) >> stephen: you right now you sound like an alien. ( laughter ) you know, mothers. she is maternal. full of information. and the milk-bearing teet. >> now i'm crying, look. >> stephen: you're crying. would you like-- here, have that. >> a snot rag. >> stephen: do you want some more tequila. >> sure. >> stephen: do you want some? ( cheers and applause ) this is-- i am here to say-- and i can say this with confidence-- this is a terrible idea. >> this is out of control. it's only because-. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: good lord. good lord. huh. >> i don't want to seem like a wimp, but i also have a 5:30 a.m. pickup tomorrow in canada. >> stephen: someone is picking you up at 5:30 in canada tomorrow? you know you're in new york right now, right?
you're not nocanada. you're not in canada. someone told you that. this is not the c.b.c. >> wait a minute! i'm in new york. >> stephen: hold on! i'm supposed to be in toronto. >> i'm supposed to be in vancouver. it's farther than toronto. >> stephen: you're supposed to be in vancouver at 5:30 tomorrow? you need to go. you leave here and get on a plane and go. >> yeah. see ya! >> stephen: what are you going to do in vancouver? >> i'm filming a movie. >> stephen: what's the movie, darling? >> i'm filming two movie s. >> stephen: okay, what is it. >> "50 shades daerk" and "50 shades freed." >> stephen: sure shooting both of them at the same time? >> yes. >> stephen: how do you unwind after a day of 12 hours of sadomasochism. what do you do to shake it off at the end of the day? >> i fly to new york city and do shots of tequila with you. >> stephen: well, you're welcome back any time. >> thanks. >> stephen: the safe word is "pumpkin patch." dacoat athank you so much for being here.
>> "a bigger splash" opens friday may 13. >> stephen: "a bigger splash" opens friday, may 13. dakota johnson, everyone. not now! i'm cleaning the oven! yeah, i'm cleaning the gutters! well i'm learning snapchamp! chat. chat! changing the oil... (vo) it's surprising what people would rather do than deal with retirement. pressure-washing the... roses. aerating the lawn! (vo) but with nationwide it's no big deal. okay, your retirement plan is all set. nationwide? awesome. nice neighborhood. ♪ nationwide is on your side nationwide is the exclusive insurance partner of plenti. what body aches?-gels, you'll ask what knee pain?
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( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. let me just begin by welping-- ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) what i'm trying to say is i want to welcome everyone who has just joined the show is not aware that i just did three shots of tequila with dakota johnson. and i want to assure you that was a bottle of tequila that george clooney gave me the very first night of this show seven months ago. and i just did not it would ever come in this handy.
and, also, i want to say i have no idea what the rest of the show is going to be like. because off the rails is the phrase that comes to mind. but you know what? let's do our best. as i proved earlier in the show, the 2016 presidential election has been full of twists and turns and excitement, and also john kasich. ( laughter ) things are looking bleak for the ohio governor. not only is he trailing donald trump and ted cruz in the delegate count. he's still behind marco rubio. who dropped out of the race five weeks ago! it's like the old saying, "quitters never win, but they still beat john kasich." but instead of giving up, kasich's super-pac recently unveiled the most optimistic ad i've ever seen. and i just want to
stress that this is an actual ad. >> and the g.o.p. nomination for president goes to john kasich.
what a long, fascinating trip it's been. how did it go from the final three to the one the establishment didn't think could win? well, running for president isn't about the establishment. in the final hours, it came down to 1,237 brave american delegates-- you, who overcame tremendous personal pressure and did the right thing. they nominated the only candidate who could win the only election that mattered, the candidate who was presidential, john kasich. >> stephen: yes, a commercial showing john kasich winning the g.o.p. nomination. as long as they're fantasizing, they should have made his vice president that pizza that comes in a box made of pizza. you'd get the youth voight and the stoner vote. and
i say why stop at the nomination? i can imagine an ad that's even more optimistic.
in fact, i already have. >> president john kasich. what a long, strange trip it's been. how did he go from third place in the 2016 republican primary to the most successful five-term president in american history? through charisma that can only be gained by years of eating deli meat. and after barack obama resigned early to make way for president kasich, he balanced the budget, defeated isis, and repelled spiderbeasts from the planet thestias. with only three seconds left, he threw the winning pass in the super bowl, a pass caught by john kasich. he then won the oscar for best supporting actor, and was crowned pope. so don't listen to the establishment who say john kasich has no chance of becoming president. they were the first to be
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>> stephen: please welcome, sebastian stan! ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: please, have a seat. >> i see that shield up there. i might have to take that. >> stephen: you saw that? i have the captain america shield. that was the original captain america seal sent to me by marvel. >> even more reason i should have it. >> stephen: do you enjoy the marvel universe? do you enjoy being part of it? >> well, i don't know how much of a choice i have. >> stephen: they've got you now? is it like joining a cult.
>> you do. the first rule of marvel is talk about marvel. >> stephen: i'm so excited for this movie. the reviews already are incredible. you can't tell us anything, can you, or a laser dot will show up on your forehead. >> the problem with marvel i sort of feel like i'm in the movie "the game" with david fincher and michael douglas. i think it's a game that one of these days they're going to tell me it's not real and it's all been a big joke that's been played on me. >> stephen: that you weren't actually cast as buckey barnes. >> that chris evans doesn't have my phone number and i'll see richard mackie on the street and say hey, man. i don't know you, fool. >> stephen: he's my guest tomorrow night. >> as i know him upon. >> stephen: what is his name. chocolate chino. >> he's chocolate chino and i'm vanilla ice. >> stephen: do you guys actually hang out? >> yeah, because i'm sexy sea bass and he's mack attack.
>> stephen: sex sea bass? >> that's the name he gave me, by the way. >> stephen: and he is what? >> the mack attack. >> stephen: the mack caek. >> but also the chocolate chino. >> we're trying to redo "48 hours." we're going to walk up to walter hill's household and just get at his door and see what he thinks. i would, obviously, be nick nota. >> stephen: i guess so. >> well, yeah -- >> i don't know what your range is. you possibly could play-- you could play eddie murphy. >> my range of anxiety is pretty good. you'll see. >> stephen: you know, you are not only-- you have you and i have one other thing in common that's not just marvel. we also both love space. >> space stuff. >> stephen: because you talked to scott kelley last year. >> di, yeah. >> stephen: isn't it an incredible experience to talk to somebody on the international space station live? >> it's incredible to talk to someone on the international
space station live, especially when they're bopping up and down, and they give you an analysis of your filmography. >> stephen: your what? >> he went through the movies i was in, and he was like, "that movie. not so good." as he's basically doing this to me the whole time. >> stephen: an astronaut criticized your movies? >> well, why not? at least that's a real super here oh, right? >> stephen: it is. they actually have powers. ( cheers and applause ). >> they do. >> stephen: they have powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. >> you and i, i feel like you would go to mars. you would be one of the few-- obviously you know about -- >> i love it. when i decided to bic look, this, an entertainment person, i actually had to look hard in the mirror and go, "okay, you'll never go to space now." they don't want clown clowns in. >> right, right. >> stephen: is there any use for a clown in space? >> well, humor is important, listen, in space. >> stephen: right before you guys on the mars colony go
cannibals. would you go to space? >> why not. >> stephen: it does scare me a little bit. it's dangerous. it's not built for us up there. we evolved where there is oxygen and water. >> it's not. and you keep telling yourself the view is the main reason you would go but after about 10 seconds i'm not sure how great it would be. >> stephen: you would go, i can see this on the internet. what am i doing up here. you know who i ran into last night at the met gala-- >> it look like aid wonderful group of people. >> stephen: elanmusk there was. >> oh, really. i heard that. >> stephen: i said congratulations on landing the falcon rocket on the thing at sea. when are we going to mars? >> what did he say? >> stephen: he said in 2018 they're going to put the dragon capsules on mars. i said what are you going to do sunday up water and doritos. >> i remember saying in 2007 we would be on mars and they would put large football fields surrounding mars to warm it up so the ice caps would melt and turn it into earth.
>> stephen: what do large football fields do oh, mirrors. >> mirror football fields on mars. >> stephen: i had elon musk right there and he said the way to do it was to set off nuclear bombs on the martian ice caps to release the water into the atmosphere. >> something probably donald trump would say, i feel like. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: yes. >> yeah, let's warm up mars. you and i should go. we should go. >> stephen: that would be fun. that would be fun. >> oh, god you. >> stephen: whan would be fun? when the mars capitol hill me fails, which one of our names is first in the story? it would be you because movies are more important than tv. i think they would list your name first and all the people who dar dies in the mars colony. >> yeah, that may be. >> stephen: movies are more important than tv, right? >> i'm not sure what the difference is these days to be honest. i feel like we keep repeating movies the same way-- we want to revisit characters the same way we see them on tv.
marvel, in a sense, is like a tv show when you look at it, right. every few years the characters evolve, just the same way as they do on tv. isn't that similar? >> stephen: i don't know if it's tequila but you're blowing my mind. >> you're taking shots with the "50 shades of grey" kid. >> stephen: do you want some tequila? >> let's go. >> stephen: as bad of an idea it was 10 minute ago, this is, like, a career ender right now. >> listen. >> stephen: cheers! >> we're all trying to stay alive. >> stephen: we are. >> stephen: "captain america: civil war" is in theaters this friday. sebastian stan, everybody. here. oh no, i'll take you up to the front of the school. that's where your friends are. seriously, it's, it's really fine. you don't want to be seen with your dad? no, it's..no.. this about a boy? dad! stop, please. oh, there's tracy. what! [ horn honking ]
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,,,, on his legendary quest, jack created a breakfast worth waking up for. the triple cheese and hash brown breakfast burrito. with provolone, cheddar, pepperjack, and a crispy hash brown. then he announced it to the world in the most legendary way. ah-hem. ♪triple cheeeeeese! the triple cheese and hash brown breakfast burrito. hurry in before it's gone. >> stephen: here performing their title track, "something real," please welcome lukas nelson and promise of the real! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ i got so reeled in ♪ i got so damned tired of pleasing everybody ♪ and i really started reeling it in ♪ too little love too many memories ♪ cause you're just like me you're just a name ♪ in a picture frame ♪ i wanna see you get mad ♪ i wanna feel like you're crying for me give me something real babe give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe
♪ ♪ ♪ i got so damned tired of pleasing everybody ♪ and i really started reeling it in ♪ too little love too many memories ♪ cause you're just like me you're just a name ♪ in a picture frame ♪ i wanna see you get mad ♪ i wanna feel like you're crying for me give me something real babe give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i wanna see you get mad ♪ i wanna feel like you're crying for me give me something real babe give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe ♪ i'm begging you to give me something real babe
the cash back is unlimited and you can spend it on anything. like, whatever the next ad is selling. get the new chase freedom unlimited card. ugh, celebrity endorsements are the worst. >> stephen: that's it for the "late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be anthony mackie, rob reiner, and a musical performance by maxwell. james corden is up next with his guest, susan sarandon. good night!